I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
