Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
