One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
