you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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