i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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