Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
