who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
