a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
