i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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