We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
