We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
