he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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