We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
