You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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