dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The feeling are messing with the penis
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
