there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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