can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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