Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The adults are the big ones right?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
