meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
