I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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