She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
