The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
