like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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