I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Randomize
