fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
