I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
