we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
