This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
