FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
