Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
