Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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