I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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