my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
