Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
