So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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