question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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