i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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