I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
