Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
