please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
