Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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