dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
