I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My balls are so social today.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
