remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
