He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
