What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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