Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
