All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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