god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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