i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
