Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
