Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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