No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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